Dear Grandma,

I can't believe it's been so long since I've writting, time has just kind of been flying because I've been so busy. Sometimes it's good to be busy, but you find yourself looking back wondering where the day, week - and then all of a sudden - month, has gone. I'm anxious to get through April, through the marathon, and hop on the airplane to go to Florida! I can't wait for a few days out of Nebraska and in the sun!

Lots has happened in the last couple weeks. Casey closed and moved into his house, a task that has relieved a lot of stress and anxiety. Things are coming together, but slowly. I try to help in anyway I can and so far have been a pretty good laundry and cleaning lady. He's been out of town for work a lot, so I figure whatever I can to to help him so he can get more accomplished when he is home is an easy favor. He always lets me know that he appreciates it, and that's all it takes to make it worthwhile.

The weekend Casey closed on his house his parents also came to Omaha...this was my first time meeting them, so of course, I was a little nervous and anxious. The feeling didn't last long though because as soon as they got here they made me feel like family and I didn't even have to remind myself to just "be myself"...it was easy. They are a lot like my parents, so it kind of just felt like home. A couple of random facts: they like to ride motorcycle AND have a family of Bichons (Casey's parents and both his siters have them) what are the odds!?

I heard there was a nice article in the paper about you. It's too bad I didn't know about it sooner, I would have certainly tried to get a copy of my own. I suppose it's just another downfall of living 250 miles away. That being said, it's hard to believe it's been over a year, but spring is coming just like you promised and I'm starting to see all the great things that God provides for us.

This weekend is Easter and it's hard to believe we won't be hiding Easter eggs in Armour and sifting through the candy dishes in your kitchen. Maybe I'll try to fester up my own "canned" banana bread but I doubt it will even compare.

I love you,
Kristen

Dear Grandma,



A year ago today I drove 500 miles for a visit that I didn't know at the time was just to say goodbye. Had I known then what I know now I probably would have opted to miss work on Monday and just stayed. I suppose it wouldn't have made a difference and maybe it was better that I came and said goodbye and left but there's always a wonder. It doesn't seem like it's been a year already, but it does seem like it's been too long since I've seen you.



I've been exhausted lately. I really do enjoy this marathon training and feel great that I have been able to do it - it gives me a sense of accomplishment. It definitely takes some serious time management and drains all of my energy. We're looking at about a month and a half until race day and our runs are starting to show that. Most of our "short runs" aren't under 6 miles and they seem like such a breeze. We ran 16 miles this past Wednesday - can you believe that?



Casey closes on his house this week so keep him in prayers up there - I can see now why buying a house is so stressful. I didn't realize all the little things that can come up ..he's hanging in there but is definitely ready to just move in and start making it his own home. His parents come this weekend and this will be my first time meeting them - wish me luck - this is the true test. When I asked him what we'd do while they're here he said "Well, mom will want to shop and dad will want to look at things for his motorcycle." ...Ironic?



The older you get the harder Daylight Savings Time gets. It's amazing what one hour will do. I am, however, excited to have more time in the evening but I sure was confused when I was driving to work this morning in the dark...I kept thinking "I'm sure it's been light in the morning the last couple weeks..."



Spring is coming, you were right, and we've officially gotten through a year of "firsts" without you. Pardon my language, but it has totally sucked. We miss you.



Love you,

Kristen

Dear Grandma,

"Spring will come, the sun will shine, tomorrow will be better."...Tomorrow will be better, tomorrow will be better...tomorrow. will. be. better. These words ran through my head more than once as I tried to survive my call week although it seemed as though it was never going to end. 18 callbacks later, the sun is shining and the day is better. Honestly Grandma, the sun really is shining! It was a very trying week, an even more diffucult weekend and I'm surprised I still have a boyfriend after all the angry call-in phone calls and the post call apologetic phone calls. The week is going good so far, but I am already counting the hours until Casey and I leave for South Dakota. I haven't been home since the week I went to recover from surgery and I have to get out of this place. It couldn't come at a more perfect time, I just wish Friday morning would hurry up and get here!

I'm still going stong with this marathon training but would be completely incapable of doing it without a great partner. By the end of this week we will have run 142 miles so far....something I never, ever thought I could do. It's amazing how your body just kind of takes over and does the work for you, and sometimes, it's amazing how 3 miles can seem like torture. But I still have my eye on the prize and somedays have to picture myself crossing the finish just to keep my legs moving. I'm excited but I'm also dreading it all in the same. I can do it, I know I can, but I'm going to need your help.

Casey and I got tickets to fly to Florida in May. His oldest sister lives in Jacksonville with her huspand and two kids, so I'm looking forward to meeting all of them. It sounds like they're going to meet us in Orlando so we can spend the first day with the kids at Disney. I've never been to Florida, so obviously I'm looking forward to that, too! Minnie Mouse was my favorite lady of all time when I was little, and I'm sure my mom still has the ruffled bed sheets to prove it, so it's only right that I meet her one of these days.

Blair has been having quite the struggle down here with Baby Bristol. She was sick all last week and was finally admitted to Children's hospital on Thursday for RSV. I've never seen a little baby so sick and can't stand the look she gvies you, begging you to take it all away. She seems to be getting a little better but won't be going home until she can keep down a bottle and be without oxygen for 24 hours - she has been unsuccessful on both accounts. Blair has a lot on her plate right now, and although I try, I don't feel like I'm doing everything I could be to help make it a little easier. So, if you get a minute up there, would you send some love her way?

It's suppose to be in the 50's this week. I think we're getting close to the springtime you've been promising. We're also getting very close to the day you've been up in heaven for a year. This place will never be the same without you.

I love you,
Kristen

Dear Grandma,



Another week has passed and I would imagine you and Grandma Weisser have been busy up there catching up with Lulie. I'd bet there was plenty of coffee and kuchen...and laughs, I'm sure. I hope you all had some of Grandma Weisser's kuchen because if you didn't she will stand behind you asking "Don't you like it?" until you do. You'll like it, trust me. I wish it hadn't been so long since I've seen Lu last, I remember it was the summer of my third year of college when mom and I saw her in the Hyvee parking lot. She seemed confused then, but still bubbly as ever. There never will be a pair of sisters quite like those three but I'm sure they'll have much more fun up there.

It's my birthday today and I'm really missing you. We never did talk on the phone much but you always knew to make an important day special with a phone call. I watched the video for "Temoporary Home" this morning with Casey and cried like a four year old when she says thanks her Grandpa for waiting for her. I know that feeling all too well and I'm thankful I made it for such an important moment but still just don't quite understand it. I didn't realize that the hole digs itself deeper with every "first" we experience without you. It just hasn't gotten any easier yet - in fact - a lot of days it's just a bit harder.

I had a great Valentines and am now having a great birthday. I have a great boyfriend and he makes sad mornings like this morning better. I missed you, I missed my parents but I am very thankful he was here, and I'm lucky that family is as important to him as it is to me. He got it and he let me be sad, but he also made me feel better.

I wish I had more to say, but to be honest, words bring tears to my eyes today especially with a missing phone call and the missing card that would have likely taken all afternoon to read. I need to stop so I can spare Casey anymore tears to wipe. I want you to know that I am thinking of you today - more than most days.

I love you,
Kristen

Dear Grandma,
It's official. I'm sick of winter, sick of snow, sick of cold. My friend Becky and her boyfriend Tyler are planning to come to Omaha for my birthday this year - and for once - I would love for there to not be a giant blizzard forbidding travel. If it does, I will likely be forced to drink wine and eat Cheez Its all night. Hyvee wine and spirits is only a few miles from my house and they sure do have a vast selection.

This Monday was a good one, Mondays are always good when they mark the end of a call week. And for once - for the first time since I have been working - I had a very slow, very tolerable call week. I only had 7 callbacks the entire week which is a record low for me. Casey and I spent a lot of Saturday at the mall and were even able to go out to eat without the annoying beep of that pager. So I can't complain but am ever so thankful that the stress and anxiety of being on call is over.

Jamey and I have entered our third week of marathon training, our long Saturday run is 12 miles. The longest we have run so far (at once) is 10...after this week we will almost have completed a half marathon. It's a challenge, it always is, but it's all a mind game. Your body can do whatever your mind says it can. And this Saturday my mind is telling me I can run 12 miles. Easier said than done, sure, but the feeling I have when I finish that makes me feel like I can do anything - makes me feel like I can fly. So please, Grandma, give us some decent running weather on Saturday...12 miles around a track is borderline torure. Anything over 25 degrees will suffice. =)

I'm planning another trip home - in March (with Casey!). Going home always makes me think of you, because when I used to go home I would try and plan in some time to see you. I got to thinking about how hard it is to settle on the fact that you're gone when I realized it's almost been a year. That's completely unbelievable, I mean, you've been gone longer than you were sick, really. It doesn't get any easier and that's the worst part. But I know that where you are now is better than where you used to be - so, I suppose that's what gets me through. I bet it's warmer up there, too.

I love you,
Kristen

Dear Grandma,
I thought I would take the opportunity of a mellow morning at work to send you a little note...while drink my coffee. I know it's something you were very fond of doing with your friends so I thought that maybe this morning I would be able to share it with you. I often wonder if you're doing the same things up there in heaven that you used to love so much when you were down here. And I wonder if you're still proud of me like you were then - now that you see me more than you used to. I sure hope so, you're face shows up in more places than you'd ever realize.

I had a great weekend, one that even the winter cold could not damper. Friday night I met with some close friends - it was just us four girls and - well - a few bottles of wine. We spent the night just talking and laughing and did it all with nothing but each other's friendship. Sometimes the simplest nights are the ones that end up being the greatest ones. Saturday morning Jamey and I completed our first week of marathon training with our first "long run". The longest ones are always on Saturdays, this one was 10 miles. I won't say it was a breeze, but much easier than I thought it would be and realized it's not a matter of whether or not my body can do it - anyone's can - it's just a matter of having my head where it needs to be..it's just a mind game anyway. You wouldn't believe how often I think of you when I'm running. I see you there, and somehow, you're often my motivation to keep going. I hope I feel this the day I run 26.2 miles, because lets face it, this is just one more thing I want to do to make you proud. We got done running and I headed over to Blair's apartment to help her move to a new one - one closer to me. Of course it will be nice to have her closer for when she gets called in and I need to go to her house -many times in the middle of the night - to watch her babies, but I'm happy to have her that much closer becuase she's my family here. Who doesn't want to have their family as close as possible. When we were finished moving boxes and catching up we gathered up the boyfriends and drug them to a chick flick, and surprisingly (with the exception of a few comments) they handled that quite well. We're both very lucky girls to have guys like them. Sunday was a lazy day, but my favorite kind. Casey and I did a little shopping and went out that night for a couple of my favorties - spaghetti and ice cream.

And here we are at a new week, a call week, one that started with a bang last night with 11 pm and 4 am calls. I'm just trying to keep a good attitude and just get it over with. I can't have another call week as bad as the last one I had, right? I can't be in a bad mood today tho, I'm at Immanual, another Alegent hospital with a little less to do and a LOT less drama. It's a nice change and who can possibly be in a bad mood on "The Biggest Loser" night? Hopefully Abby and I will be able to make it through the whole show, page free. If not, well then, Thank the Lord for DVR.

I hope this finds you in good spirits but imagine it's the only way you are these days. I know you're up there enjoying all you've ever wanted, and I'm so happy for that, I just wish it didn't leave us with an emptyness down here. You'll have a new great grandbaby before long, and I'm sure mommy and daddy are getting anxious for little Will to be born. It seems like time has gone so fast for them but February sure is a good month to bring new Papes into the world. =)

I love you,
Kristen

Dear Grandma,

Well, so far 2010 is proving to be better than 2009. Maybe it's all in the attitude I have and the deterimation to have a better year, maybe it's the fact that I have you up in heaven helping me along the way - whatever it is, whoever is in charge of the change, I'm thankful for it.

I continue to keep busy here in Omaha, sometimes so much that I feel like I look back and a whole month has passed. .. other times I feel like weeks drag on and on. I added even more to my agenda this week as I finally registered and am officially "in training" for the Lincoln marathon in May. I'm excited all while being anxious for it to be over. I know it will be tough and I know it will be trying, but am hoping to have the support there to help see me through 26.2 miles. I'm lucky to have a great friend to train with who has done it before and is just as motivated to get through it with me.

I know it's not even February but I am so entirely sick of cold and snow I can barely stand it. I wake up a lot of morning and wonder why I live in Nebraska and I remember it's because of the people I want to be close to. The driving conditions here never do get unbearable, but these Nebraskans shut completely down and freak out with any weather "condition" in general. Defensive driving is not only a skill - it's like a part time job. Road rage takes on a whole new meaning when snow, rain....wind....anything outside of 75 degrees and sunny presents itself.

I'm looking forward to an evening with wine and some girlfriends, and it is much needed. All four of us work together and the only thing that has gotten us through the week are our plans for tonight. Any frusterations we don't work out tonight should be elminated after Jamey and I complete our ten mile run tomorrow morning.

I should tell you that the letters I write to you - and my reasons as to why - have motivated Casey to call his Grandma every week. It means a lot to me that I've made some kind of impact on him and have helped him realze the importance of such relationships and knowing not to take them for granted. I hope that means a lot to you too, afterall, you're the reason I am so thankful for such things in the first place.

Hope all is well up there, I look for you everyday and somedays, I know I find you.

Love you,
Kristen