Dear Grandma,

This is it. My family is on their way for an event I have been preparing for for nearly 4 months. Please Please Please help me get to that finish line.

Love you,
Kristen

Ps, Trust me...I'll be repeating "tomorrow will be better" over and over again.

Dear Grandma,

Ready or not, I'm 4 days away from probably one of the greatest physical struggles I will ever voluntarily undergo. I can only hope that I've done everything I can to prepare for this - but the anxiety I feel is much like that I felt when I was preparing for boards. I've done all I can do - now all that's left is to dive in and hope the outcome is what I've dreamed it would be. Last week was filled with nothing but fear. This week, the thought of all my supporters has brought me excitement. But then, I thnk about being at about the point in the race when the half marthon runners split - when they seperate the sane from the insane - and everything in my belly drops to my feet. Not literally - well, yet. You've gotten me through a lot of long runs while I've been training, but this race is ten miles more than I've ever done. So please, please Grandma, don't give up on me now!

I'm looking foward to all the Pape's coming this weekend. Since my roomate and her fiance are running the half marathon (they have their head on a little straighter than I do) and my other roomate will have company as well, we're all going to stay with Casey in his new house for the weekend. It was his idea, so, I hope he knows what he's getting himself into. =) I don't see my family as much as I used to, and definitely not as often as I'd like to, so knowing we're all going to be under one roof is a big relief. Miss Hannah's 2nd birthday is coming up, and since I'm not sure that I'll be able to make it there because of work, we're going to do some mini celebrating for her. My friend Blair has a little girl who is a month older than Hannah, we're hoping they can have a lot of fun together. But they're both 2 - so we'll see.

This month is going to be a busy one. Once I get through this weekend I have a pretty big stretch of call and then at the end of the month, Casey and I are going to Florida to visit his sister. I've never been to Florida, so I'm definitely looking foward to just having the chance to travel there. I'm mostly looking foward to getting on an airplane and leaving Nebraska for a few days to do somewhere and spend some time on a beach.

We've been having some pretty nice weather here with the exception of a few chilly, windy, rainy days. I hope you're getting that out of your system so that Sunday we have clear skies and a nice (but fairly still) breeze. Please Grandma, I need all the help I can get!

I love you,
Kristen

Dear Grandma,

In the mail last night from Mary I got an article that the girls had put in the paper about you. It was the poem you kept in your wallet:

And the mother said, "I have reached the end of my journey and now I know the end is better than the beginning, for my children can walk alone, and their children after them."

And the children said "You will always walk with us, Mother, even when you have gone through the gates."

And they stood and watched her as she walked on alone, and the gates closed after her. And they said, "We cannot see her, but she is with us still. A mother like ours is more than a memory; she is a living presence."

...And so I stood at the kitchen counter and cried like it was the first time I realized you were gone. I got to thinking about how much I hate it still and how it's not fair that at 24 I am without grandparents, and how much it sucks not having you here. I'm sorry if that keeps me from getting banana bread, but it's true. I'm angry that people have to get sick, I hate that there is a such thing as cancer and that nearly every person I have lost in my life has fought that battle. People are suppose to die because they're old, warm in their bed. Which is exactly what happens to a lot of people who don't take care of their bodies, and their families and take every wonderful thing about life for granted. But the rare, wonderful people who take each day as a blessing die sitting in a hospital talking about cancer markers and tumors and chemo.

...and I'm sure after reading that paragraph you just say "Welllllll...."

I hope you know the difference you've made in my life and the millions of times I turn to you in a day without even realizing it. You've gotten me through a lot, probably more now than when you were around. I regret every second I ever took you for granted but I thank you for making me who I am.

I love you,
Kristen

Dear Grandma,

I guess it's been a frusterating couple weeks and I kind of have the blues. Maybe it's just because I've overwhelmed with the marathon knowing I have so much going on in the next couple months - most of which I should be excited about. Either way I am trying to keep my head on straight and keep my eye on the prize - the finish on the 50 yard line in the Husker stadium.

The summer is quickly approaching and filling up even faster. Florida, Hannah's second birthday, weddings and all the in-betweens. By the time I put everything on the schedule and fill in the cracks with call, there isn't much time to plan all the things we "just have to do this summer." No wonder some of those things never happen. I have a closet full of clothes that will probably get worn once if I'm lucky because anytime I'm not wearing scrubs I prefer my cozies.

Easter was really weird without you this year. I think it's the first time I haven't been home for Easter let alone getting eggs out of the gutter, the tree, ....that mailbox at your front door...the trees in the backyard. I can only imagine your Easter was all you had ever hoped for...and more.

I scanned a patient today that reminded me a lot of Grandpa, although I don't know what it was. Most of it was probably the way he visited with his friend and the way he talked to me. It was a comfort and I wanted to take better care of him than any other patient in that hospital. The 20 minutes I was with him changed my perception of the day completely.

I hope all is well with you, thank you so much for the nice weather - if anything it has made these runs much more tolerable (although I could do without the drizzly and/or windy days). Thanks for getting me through the last couple miles when we ran last Thursday. I didn't understand at the time why you weren't making it easier, but I finished, so you obviously did just what I asked you to. Thank you.

I love you,
Kristen

Dear Grandma,

I can't believe it's been so long since I've writting, time has just kind of been flying because I've been so busy. Sometimes it's good to be busy, but you find yourself looking back wondering where the day, week - and then all of a sudden - month, has gone. I'm anxious to get through April, through the marathon, and hop on the airplane to go to Florida! I can't wait for a few days out of Nebraska and in the sun!

Lots has happened in the last couple weeks. Casey closed and moved into his house, a task that has relieved a lot of stress and anxiety. Things are coming together, but slowly. I try to help in anyway I can and so far have been a pretty good laundry and cleaning lady. He's been out of town for work a lot, so I figure whatever I can to to help him so he can get more accomplished when he is home is an easy favor. He always lets me know that he appreciates it, and that's all it takes to make it worthwhile.

The weekend Casey closed on his house his parents also came to Omaha...this was my first time meeting them, so of course, I was a little nervous and anxious. The feeling didn't last long though because as soon as they got here they made me feel like family and I didn't even have to remind myself to just "be myself"...it was easy. They are a lot like my parents, so it kind of just felt like home. A couple of random facts: they like to ride motorcycle AND have a family of Bichons (Casey's parents and both his siters have them) what are the odds!?

I heard there was a nice article in the paper about you. It's too bad I didn't know about it sooner, I would have certainly tried to get a copy of my own. I suppose it's just another downfall of living 250 miles away. That being said, it's hard to believe it's been over a year, but spring is coming just like you promised and I'm starting to see all the great things that God provides for us.

This weekend is Easter and it's hard to believe we won't be hiding Easter eggs in Armour and sifting through the candy dishes in your kitchen. Maybe I'll try to fester up my own "canned" banana bread but I doubt it will even compare.

I love you,
Kristen

Dear Grandma,



A year ago today I drove 500 miles for a visit that I didn't know at the time was just to say goodbye. Had I known then what I know now I probably would have opted to miss work on Monday and just stayed. I suppose it wouldn't have made a difference and maybe it was better that I came and said goodbye and left but there's always a wonder. It doesn't seem like it's been a year already, but it does seem like it's been too long since I've seen you.



I've been exhausted lately. I really do enjoy this marathon training and feel great that I have been able to do it - it gives me a sense of accomplishment. It definitely takes some serious time management and drains all of my energy. We're looking at about a month and a half until race day and our runs are starting to show that. Most of our "short runs" aren't under 6 miles and they seem like such a breeze. We ran 16 miles this past Wednesday - can you believe that?



Casey closes on his house this week so keep him in prayers up there - I can see now why buying a house is so stressful. I didn't realize all the little things that can come up ..he's hanging in there but is definitely ready to just move in and start making it his own home. His parents come this weekend and this will be my first time meeting them - wish me luck - this is the true test. When I asked him what we'd do while they're here he said "Well, mom will want to shop and dad will want to look at things for his motorcycle." ...Ironic?



The older you get the harder Daylight Savings Time gets. It's amazing what one hour will do. I am, however, excited to have more time in the evening but I sure was confused when I was driving to work this morning in the dark...I kept thinking "I'm sure it's been light in the morning the last couple weeks..."



Spring is coming, you were right, and we've officially gotten through a year of "firsts" without you. Pardon my language, but it has totally sucked. We miss you.



Love you,

Kristen

Dear Grandma,

"Spring will come, the sun will shine, tomorrow will be better."...Tomorrow will be better, tomorrow will be better...tomorrow. will. be. better. These words ran through my head more than once as I tried to survive my call week although it seemed as though it was never going to end. 18 callbacks later, the sun is shining and the day is better. Honestly Grandma, the sun really is shining! It was a very trying week, an even more diffucult weekend and I'm surprised I still have a boyfriend after all the angry call-in phone calls and the post call apologetic phone calls. The week is going good so far, but I am already counting the hours until Casey and I leave for South Dakota. I haven't been home since the week I went to recover from surgery and I have to get out of this place. It couldn't come at a more perfect time, I just wish Friday morning would hurry up and get here!

I'm still going stong with this marathon training but would be completely incapable of doing it without a great partner. By the end of this week we will have run 142 miles so far....something I never, ever thought I could do. It's amazing how your body just kind of takes over and does the work for you, and sometimes, it's amazing how 3 miles can seem like torture. But I still have my eye on the prize and somedays have to picture myself crossing the finish just to keep my legs moving. I'm excited but I'm also dreading it all in the same. I can do it, I know I can, but I'm going to need your help.

Casey and I got tickets to fly to Florida in May. His oldest sister lives in Jacksonville with her huspand and two kids, so I'm looking forward to meeting all of them. It sounds like they're going to meet us in Orlando so we can spend the first day with the kids at Disney. I've never been to Florida, so obviously I'm looking forward to that, too! Minnie Mouse was my favorite lady of all time when I was little, and I'm sure my mom still has the ruffled bed sheets to prove it, so it's only right that I meet her one of these days.

Blair has been having quite the struggle down here with Baby Bristol. She was sick all last week and was finally admitted to Children's hospital on Thursday for RSV. I've never seen a little baby so sick and can't stand the look she gvies you, begging you to take it all away. She seems to be getting a little better but won't be going home until she can keep down a bottle and be without oxygen for 24 hours - she has been unsuccessful on both accounts. Blair has a lot on her plate right now, and although I try, I don't feel like I'm doing everything I could be to help make it a little easier. So, if you get a minute up there, would you send some love her way?

It's suppose to be in the 50's this week. I think we're getting close to the springtime you've been promising. We're also getting very close to the day you've been up in heaven for a year. This place will never be the same without you.

I love you,
Kristen