Dear Grandma,


I wish you could be here to enjoy this beautiful weather....I try to take it in everyday because although fall is my favorite season it's also the one that is over the quickest. There's nothing I'd rather be doing than sitting next to the open patio door while the neighbor mows his lawn and Casey fights with his accounting homework.

It's hard to believe you've been gone for over a year now. What's harder to believe is all the fighting that continues to go own. I wish I could tell you that the day you left us everyone came together and got over all the petty things and became the family you had always wanted them to be - but I can't. Since it isn't my place to say anything to them I need to talk to you. I'm happy to tell you that I have formed some great relationships with cousins and have come to appreciate the relationship I have with my own brother even more...I understand that not everyone is that lucky. I just wish they would all step back and take a look at how silly this has all become. It's a lot of he said/she said and taking sides when I really don't think the answer is that hard to find. A response to an email, a phone call - even a full blown screaming fight might be all that it would take - but nothing good will come of this until somebody steps foward. It's a fight about the stuff...but I don't think the "stuff" has anything to do with it. Now especially, since I am finally looking foward to the day in my life that I thought might never happen - the day I marry the man you helped me find - I would love to have something of yours I could wear - or even carry to remember you. But, I know you'll be there. And I don't think a Bert and Ernie puzzle has any place in a wedding. It's not worth the fight to me. I'd love something more, but even the puzzle reminds me of the night I threw a fit because I had so much fun putting all 6 pieces in that puzzle, and then I remember the look on your face as you loaded it into a plastic sack for me to take home with me. The point is - it's not about the stuff. It's about the fact that not one of your kids misses you more than another. Not one of your kids deserves more than another. And each and every one of them should be able to sit in a room together and act like adults and make decisions with everyone's thoughts and feelings in mind. None of them are free of fault and I wish they could see that nobody is going to win because holding grudges, and refusing explainations, pointing fingers and trying to come out as being the one who is "right" is not going to get them to you any sooner. I said it before and I'll say it again, I would love to have something of yours. So that everyday when I miss you because I walked into a room that smelled like you, or helped a cancer patient at work, I'd have something to remember you by. But what's more important to me is that I knew the day you died that you were proud of me, I knew the day I met Casey that it was because of you and I know if I could refrain from swearing in traffic I'd be deserving of banana bread.

I want your kids to have a relatinship like my brother and I have - but I know that's unlikely. But it's not out of reach for them to find a way to respect each other. I'm sure heaven and Grandpa keep you busy with cards and spaghetti-o trees...but maybe you could send down a nudge ... for someone to make a phone call or send a letter that might begin some kind of trend of respect or understanding - or for them to talk and for them to listen. So that once and for all, this can be put behind everyone.

I love you...
Kristen

Dear Grandma,
I thought I would make good use of my time at work, now that we staff on the weekends. No matter how unneccessary it is, if it will save Alegent a penny, it's worth it to them to take up our time with families even more than the pager did. Am I happy to have a job? Yes. Am I bitter that I work for a faith based hospital that cares about nothing but money? Absolutely.

For the most part, it has been a good weekend. Friday night Casey and I bit hard on the fact that we have become boring adults when we found ourselves on the couch watching back to back episodes of House Hunters on HGTV. I'm not even ashamed to say that most nights I would rather come home and jump in sweats than go out somewhere. We did go out for supper though - and by "go out" I mean went through the drive through, and by "supper" I mean...Taco Bell. But whatever, we were both home and together, so it was just perfect. Saturday we tried to get some things done in the morning as we knew Casey would be called to the tracks. Around 4 we headed to Bekka and Brian's to see Baby Henry and say hello to The Renshaws and Sarah who had driven down for the day. It was a nice mellow afternoon followed by a meal (compliments of Chef Brian) so delicious I should have worn sweatpants.

I had a hard time sleeping last night, so 630 came far too early. Hopefully I'll get a chance to enjoy the beautiful weather once I'm off work, there's no saying the snow won't fall next week! Oh well...let's get to it, the closer we are to getting through another season, the closer we are to October 2011. =)

Love you,
Kristen