Dear Grandma,


I've had a busy day at work today and there is still lots to do, but I have had the urge to write for days. It's been a gloomy few days in Omaha that are seeming to be lonlier than ever. The last time I wrote was February 22, it's now halfway through April and two months ago truly does feel like just yesterday. But so many things have happened in the quick two months that have passed. Some days I feel like I want to fast foward life and I wonder why...because in the same respect I can't seem to slow it down.


Casey completed his training program with the railroad, and, as promised, was offered his promotion to management. For the next few years (or more or less depending on what the big mighty train people decide) we will call Clinton, Iowa home. So now begins the fun part. I've already had a lead on a job that seemed to fall through although there is still talk of an interview. And we were already in the process of buying what looked like a perfect, beautiful home only to learn the very important lesson of not judging a book by it's cover. We were so excited to have our offer accepted after the seller recieved one higher than ours, only to learn that we had to let the house go after the home inspection revealed multiple problems that we worried would take more than just money to fix and could cause us to lose some sleep in the meantime. So, after numerous prayers and some very late night discussions, we followed what we believed was God's advice to us. I mean really, how much more obviuos could he have made it, right?


I shouldn't complain about anything and I try to remind myself of that every day. But to truth it, planning a wedding, while trying to sell a house, buy a house, leave a job, find a new one and move....all while living five hours from Casey is really - just very stressful. And yet, not one of those things are bad. They're all opportunities, all blessings. Either way, it's all very overwhelming and somedays I feel so completely defeated. But I know, in time, God will show us why this is all happening at once and why some things aren't working out the way we think we'd like them too.

It's hard to believe our wedding is 5 montsh and some odd days away...when we first got engagned it was 14 months away. And still, 2 years later, I STILL can't believe you won't be here for my wedding. I was just talking to my mom the other day about finding a way to incorporate you and Grandma Weisser into our day - but it sure won't be the same. I hope everyone who did have you there on their special day know just how very lucky they were. I would give anything to have you there. Anything.

Maybe I should serve chocolate chip banana bread at my wedding? Probably not, I'd have to put some elastic in my dress if I did!

Love you,
Kristen

Dear Grandma,

Today I'm really angry that these letters don't go to box 343 in Armour. Sometimes, somehow - even though I know you do get them- it just isn't the same. But then I remember the beautiful weather I had on my birthday - dead in the middle of February, and I realize you're probably closer to me now than you ever were living in Armour. I just wish I could see you.



This weekend was - overwhelming. I had a wonderful, incredible, perfect birthday. Friday night Casey and I had a nice dinner with my good friend Allison and her boyfriend. Even though I woke up the next morning feeling as though I had eaten a Dolphin, it was such a great night. I woke up the morning of my birthday and Casey and I just spent time relaxing. We made an early trip to the gym and I stood in awe of the beautiful weather you sent our way, and in my head I said "Spring will conme" over and over again, becuase I felt like it had. I was overwhelmed with counting my blessings that day and I realized that even on my darkest days I have so much to be thankful for and I am never, ever alone. Casey took me to get a pedicure and to see my friend Ryan and his brother's in the Beatles show I take my parents to every year. But this night they were joined by the UNO Orchestra. I was so proud to introduce Casey to Ryan and Ryan to Casey. The night ended at a little wine tasting place in town where we met up with a close friend who I had lost touch with for far too long. She's a reminder of why God wants us to forgive one another and why he puts us in certain situations to teach us things. The lessons were learned and the wounds have healed. She will always have a place in my heart and I'm so thankful to see her doing well and to call her a friend again.



Sunday was a sad day. Spring had gone back to where ever it had come from and it was just a sad, gloomy day. We got up and went to church, but this time my heart was tugged at a little more than usual. I had just told Casey the night before about how I was sad for the way some things were, but that I felt as though I had done what I could and that it was time for me to let it go, becuase, really, it has nothing to do with me. But seeing people close to you hurt is harder than feeling the hurt yourself. Especially when the person it hurts the most is someone who has helped me become the person I am and is someone that would turn his world upside down just to keep mine turning. I don't know what part I'm suppose to play. But the verse we read in church hit home (Matthew 5; 21-26) and it wasn't long before I was "that girl" crying in church while Casey tried franticly to find the cause of the problem and make it better. So, Sunday ended up being a long day and I keep wondering why I feel like I've said all I can say and something always brings it up. But it does make me thank the Lord for giving me such a great family and one incredible brother that I am lucky enough to call a friend. If it takes everything we have, I will never let anything come between that relationship.

I pray this week goes quickly. Casey is away for work in Salt Lake City until Friday and not only am I lonely but I sure do miss him and he's been gone only 24 hours. It's suppose to snow on Thursday and if that happens it looks like this girl is going to need to re-introduce herself to Mr. Shovel. Casey doesn't think that's a woman's job, and even though I don't agree with that, I certainly can't complain. I'm very very lucky.

Thanks for visiting on my birthday and for bringing the sun. I know the day will soon be here that the sun will come and stay awhile, and I am certainly looking forward to that. I always say I'm happy to live somewhere that I have four seasons...but I only make that statement in Spring, Summer and Fall.

Love you,
Kristen

Matthew 5; 21-26
21 “You have heard that it was said to the men of old, ‘You shall not kill; and whoever kills shall be liable to judgment.’ 22 But I say to you that every one who is angry with his brother shall be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother shall be liable to the council, and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ shall be liable to the hell of fire. 23 So if you are offering your gift at the altar, and here remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your gift there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come offer your gift. 25 Make friends quickly with your accuser, while you are going with him to court, lest your accuser hand you over to the guard, and you be put in prison; 26 truly, I say to you, you will never get out till you have paid the last penny."

Dear Grandma,


It's a snowy, icy morning in Omaha. Work isn't busy (yet), so I thought - what better way to spend the morning than paying bills and writing you a little note. I'd imagine your weather up there doesn't even compare to what we're having, I'm sure it's better than it would be if you were still in Armour. Monday started out rough too, nothing starts out the week like a four car accident on the expressway. This morning driving was a little easier, if you can find a way to dodge the people who lose all concept of driving when any kind of weather condition presents. Casey is doing some of his management training at UNO this week which means he doesn't have to go to work if schools are canceled. A rare shot at a snow day and he missed it - it seems UNO is the only school NOT closed today. If only we could be kids again.

Casey and I had a pretty mellow weekend. We didn't really do much because we were planning on something that never was. For what it's worth, I certainly tried. But the point was made blatantly clear and after what were probably some unneccessary tears I've learned it's not really my problem and I need to stop wasting time worrying about it. It's hard, but when I have so many other wonderful things and people in my life it seems only right to focus on them instead. But Grandma, I tried, I promise I did. I miss you every day, but certain things make me miss you more, and this was definitely one of them. Casey and I talked about you a lot. I sure wish he could have met you, but I do my best to keep you with us as much as I can.

This week will probably be a busy one, but that's ok. I'm on call for the weekend so I'm already looking forward to the following Monday when it's all over. Jason and his two girls are coming our way the weekend after, so we'll have a lot to look forward to next week. Tonya and I are planning to stop by the hospital and take a peak at Baby Blue. I'm sure he's filling up his room much more than he was over Christmas. I sure do wish they lived closer, but I should appreciate the six hours while we have it, Lord only knows where Casey's new job might take us. Bring it on, whatever it is, we're ready...a little anxiuos and sometimes worried, but ready. Maybe if we're lucky, the railroad will relocate us closer to them.

We were cleaning the other day and found the box of letters you saved for me and the cards I saved from you. I reminisced on the times I talked of in my letters and squinted through your letters and cards. I wish things were still that way. I realize that having a box filled with your handwriting is a greater treasure than anything else. It's something I will cherish forever. I have a blanket that we gave to you that I keep folded in the bottom of that box. Somehow, I hope if I keep it folded tight it will hang onto that tiny little smell just a bit longer.

Eight months from today I'll be standing in a church wearing a dress to change my name. When mom and I met with the flourist a few weeks ago the gal ran down lists of important people for the day, and family. It wasn't until I said it outloud that I realized i will have no living grandparents on my wedding day. Boy, that sure did put a pit in my stomach. I sure do hope you'll all have time to stop in.

There is something else important about today. It's Grandma Weisser's birthday. You probably already know that, I'd imagine she is already hard at work on a 9 course meal. If she made Kuchen, eat some for me...nobody down here made it quite like she did. Please wish her a happy birthday from Casey and I, and make her laugh today. She had the best laugh.

Miss you everyday,

Love,

Kristen

Good Morning Grandma,

Well, here we are; 2011. The year I'll write something different at the end of my name, the year "mine" will officially become "ours", the year you were certain you'd be here for. And you're not, and even though that's ok, I still wish things were different. You were the only one who thought it was ok that I didn't come home every holiday with a boyfriend until I figured some things out, and who, all in the same thought, was sure I'd be walking down an aisle someday. I was a little bitter over the holidays this year. I don't understand why most people my age have grandparents, sometimes all of them, sometimes even GREAT grandparents. By the time I was a freshman in high school I was hanging on tight to the letters I got from my one and only grandparent, you. Now, not yet 25, I have none. I sure hope those people out there who are complaining because they have four Christmases to go to in one day realize just how lucky they are. I wish I could divide my time between nut pudding and phase 10.

But 2011 is going to be great. I can't control a lot of things. I won't be able to help it if my kidneys make me sick, or if work gets unbearably busy or unbearably slow. Or if stubborn people holding on to grudges can't find a way to come around. But I can make the best of everything. Things don't always fall into place or happen when I want them to, and people don't always treat each other the way God intended them to. But I'm one very lucky girl. I just hope everyone takes a minute to think about what they're lucky for in their life and quit wasting time on things that aren't important. Don't think we haven't noticed, Grandma, some of the changes you're making happen down here. We need a few more nudges in a few more places, but oh what a difference it's made.

I can't wait to see what 2011 has in store and I already know it's going to go fast. I better make it count because once it's over I can't get it back. I'm sure it will be filled with memories of you and days I still don't quite understand why you're up there ... but I sure do wonder what the Papes and Weissers are doing up in heaven.

Love you
Miss you everyday,
Kristen

Dear Grandma,
Happy birthday to you! I was trying to figure out this morning how many Birthdays you have spent in heaven and it's already too many. But I know you probably have much better birthdays up there than you ever had down here. I wish this birthday wish was being recieved through the mail, but, I have to remind myself that birthdays are probably not what they used to be and you're finally in a place where you can spend it with everyone you wanted to and you don't have to miss anyone. Stop through Omaha sometime today if you get a minute and find a way to let me know you're here. I'll be thinking of you all day today and looking for you everywhere.

Omaha has been a very very very busy place. We've got a lot to celebrate right now out side of the usual. The piles of presents under our tree indicates that Christmas is right around the corner. We're looking foward to heading to South Dakota next Thursday to spend the holiday in Parkston. I don't forget very easily that this time last year I was facing a hospital stay and an unexpected surgery. I am certainly counting my blessings this year. Who would have known that the guy that spent three days with me in the hospital and called a family he didn't know to update them would be my fiance a year later.

Speaking of him, he got some great news too! The days of being on a train through the night for days on end - sometimes trying to avoid danger - are coming to an end. He was approached about a considering applying for a management program - something he had planned on doing at some point down the road. We took this as a sign and he applied, went through the grueling interview process and recieved a phone call earlier this week that included a job offer. We're not sure where this job will take us, but we do know that starting January 10th, Casey will be undergoing 10 weeks of management training - the first step in this incredible promotion.

Even though it's Friday and my Grandma's birthday, I suppose it's time for me to get back to work. I look foward to hearing from you later today, enjoy your day. =) (Beat Grandpa at Phase 10...don't let him hide cards under tha table.)

Love you,
Miss you everyday
Kristen

Dear Grandma,


I wish you could be here to enjoy this beautiful weather....I try to take it in everyday because although fall is my favorite season it's also the one that is over the quickest. There's nothing I'd rather be doing than sitting next to the open patio door while the neighbor mows his lawn and Casey fights with his accounting homework.

It's hard to believe you've been gone for over a year now. What's harder to believe is all the fighting that continues to go own. I wish I could tell you that the day you left us everyone came together and got over all the petty things and became the family you had always wanted them to be - but I can't. Since it isn't my place to say anything to them I need to talk to you. I'm happy to tell you that I have formed some great relationships with cousins and have come to appreciate the relationship I have with my own brother even more...I understand that not everyone is that lucky. I just wish they would all step back and take a look at how silly this has all become. It's a lot of he said/she said and taking sides when I really don't think the answer is that hard to find. A response to an email, a phone call - even a full blown screaming fight might be all that it would take - but nothing good will come of this until somebody steps foward. It's a fight about the stuff...but I don't think the "stuff" has anything to do with it. Now especially, since I am finally looking foward to the day in my life that I thought might never happen - the day I marry the man you helped me find - I would love to have something of yours I could wear - or even carry to remember you. But, I know you'll be there. And I don't think a Bert and Ernie puzzle has any place in a wedding. It's not worth the fight to me. I'd love something more, but even the puzzle reminds me of the night I threw a fit because I had so much fun putting all 6 pieces in that puzzle, and then I remember the look on your face as you loaded it into a plastic sack for me to take home with me. The point is - it's not about the stuff. It's about the fact that not one of your kids misses you more than another. Not one of your kids deserves more than another. And each and every one of them should be able to sit in a room together and act like adults and make decisions with everyone's thoughts and feelings in mind. None of them are free of fault and I wish they could see that nobody is going to win because holding grudges, and refusing explainations, pointing fingers and trying to come out as being the one who is "right" is not going to get them to you any sooner. I said it before and I'll say it again, I would love to have something of yours. So that everyday when I miss you because I walked into a room that smelled like you, or helped a cancer patient at work, I'd have something to remember you by. But what's more important to me is that I knew the day you died that you were proud of me, I knew the day I met Casey that it was because of you and I know if I could refrain from swearing in traffic I'd be deserving of banana bread.

I want your kids to have a relatinship like my brother and I have - but I know that's unlikely. But it's not out of reach for them to find a way to respect each other. I'm sure heaven and Grandpa keep you busy with cards and spaghetti-o trees...but maybe you could send down a nudge ... for someone to make a phone call or send a letter that might begin some kind of trend of respect or understanding - or for them to talk and for them to listen. So that once and for all, this can be put behind everyone.

I love you...
Kristen

Dear Grandma,
I thought I would make good use of my time at work, now that we staff on the weekends. No matter how unneccessary it is, if it will save Alegent a penny, it's worth it to them to take up our time with families even more than the pager did. Am I happy to have a job? Yes. Am I bitter that I work for a faith based hospital that cares about nothing but money? Absolutely.

For the most part, it has been a good weekend. Friday night Casey and I bit hard on the fact that we have become boring adults when we found ourselves on the couch watching back to back episodes of House Hunters on HGTV. I'm not even ashamed to say that most nights I would rather come home and jump in sweats than go out somewhere. We did go out for supper though - and by "go out" I mean went through the drive through, and by "supper" I mean...Taco Bell. But whatever, we were both home and together, so it was just perfect. Saturday we tried to get some things done in the morning as we knew Casey would be called to the tracks. Around 4 we headed to Bekka and Brian's to see Baby Henry and say hello to The Renshaws and Sarah who had driven down for the day. It was a nice mellow afternoon followed by a meal (compliments of Chef Brian) so delicious I should have worn sweatpants.

I had a hard time sleeping last night, so 630 came far too early. Hopefully I'll get a chance to enjoy the beautiful weather once I'm off work, there's no saying the snow won't fall next week! Oh well...let's get to it, the closer we are to getting through another season, the closer we are to October 2011. =)

Love you,
Kristen