Dear Grandma,
I've had a busy day at work today and there is still lots to do, but I have had the urge to write for days. It's been a gloomy few days in Omaha that are seeming to be lonlier than ever. The last time I wrote was February 22, it's now halfway through April and two months ago truly does feel like just yesterday. But so many things have happened in the quick two months that have passed. Some days I feel like I want to fast foward life and I wonder why...because in the same respect I can't seem to slow it down.
Casey completed his training program with the railroad, and, as promised, was offered his promotion to management. For the next few years (or more or less depending on what the big mighty train people decide) we will call Clinton, Iowa home. So now begins the fun part. I've already had a lead on a job that seemed to fall through although there is still talk of an interview. And we were already in the process of buying what looked like a perfect, beautiful home only to learn the very important lesson of not judging a book by it's cover. We were so excited to have our offer accepted after the seller recieved one higher than ours, only to learn that we had to let the house go after the home inspection revealed multiple problems that we worried would take more than just money to fix and could cause us to lose some sleep in the meantime. So, after numerous prayers and some very late night discussions, we followed what we believed was God's advice to us. I mean really, how much more obviuos could he have made it, right?
I shouldn't complain about anything and I try to remind myself of that every day. But to truth it, planning a wedding, while trying to sell a house, buy a house, leave a job, find a new one and move....all while living five hours from Casey is really - just very stressful. And yet, not one of those things are bad. They're all opportunities, all blessings. Either way, it's all very overwhelming and somedays I feel so completely defeated. But I know, in time, God will show us why this is all happening at once and why some things aren't working out the way we think we'd like them too.
It's hard to believe our wedding is 5 montsh and some odd days away...when we first got engagned it was 14 months away. And still, 2 years later, I STILL can't believe you won't be here for my wedding. I was just talking to my mom the other day about finding a way to incorporate you and Grandma Weisser into our day - but it sure won't be the same. I hope everyone who did have you there on their special day know just how very lucky they were. I would give anything to have you there. Anything.
Maybe I should serve chocolate chip banana bread at my wedding? Probably not, I'd have to put some elastic in my dress if I did!
Love you,
Kristen
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Monday, February 21, 2011
Dear Grandma,
Today I'm really angry that these letters don't go to box 343 in Armour. Sometimes, somehow - even though I know you do get them- it just isn't the same. But then I remember the beautiful weather I had on my birthday - dead in the middle of February, and I realize you're probably closer to me now than you ever were living in Armour. I just wish I could see you.
This weekend was - overwhelming. I had a wonderful, incredible, perfect birthday. Friday night Casey and I had a nice dinner with my good friend Allison and her boyfriend. Even though I woke up the next morning feeling as though I had eaten a Dolphin, it was such a great night. I woke up the morning of my birthday and Casey and I just spent time relaxing. We made an early trip to the gym and I stood in awe of the beautiful weather you sent our way, and in my head I said "Spring will conme" over and over again, becuase I felt like it had. I was overwhelmed with counting my blessings that day and I realized that even on my darkest days I have so much to be thankful for and I am never, ever alone. Casey took me to get a pedicure and to see my friend Ryan and his brother's in the Beatles show I take my parents to every year. But this night they were joined by the UNO Orchestra. I was so proud to introduce Casey to Ryan and Ryan to Casey. The night ended at a little wine tasting place in town where we met up with a close friend who I had lost touch with for far too long. She's a reminder of why God wants us to forgive one another and why he puts us in certain situations to teach us things. The lessons were learned and the wounds have healed. She will always have a place in my heart and I'm so thankful to see her doing well and to call her a friend again.
Sunday was a sad day. Spring had gone back to where ever it had come from and it was just a sad, gloomy day. We got up and went to church, but this time my heart was tugged at a little more than usual. I had just told Casey the night before about how I was sad for the way some things were, but that I felt as though I had done what I could and that it was time for me to let it go, becuase, really, it has nothing to do with me. But seeing people close to you hurt is harder than feeling the hurt yourself. Especially when the person it hurts the most is someone who has helped me become the person I am and is someone that would turn his world upside down just to keep mine turning. I don't know what part I'm suppose to play. But the verse we read in church hit home (Matthew 5; 21-26) and it wasn't long before I was "that girl" crying in church while Casey tried franticly to find the cause of the problem and make it better. So, Sunday ended up being a long day and I keep wondering why I feel like I've said all I can say and something always brings it up. But it does make me thank the Lord for giving me such a great family and one incredible brother that I am lucky enough to call a friend. If it takes everything we have, I will never let anything come between that relationship.
I pray this week goes quickly. Casey is away for work in Salt Lake City until Friday and not only am I lonely but I sure do miss him and he's been gone only 24 hours. It's suppose to snow on Thursday and if that happens it looks like this girl is going to need to re-introduce herself to Mr. Shovel. Casey doesn't think that's a woman's job, and even though I don't agree with that, I certainly can't complain. I'm very very lucky.
Thanks for visiting on my birthday and for bringing the sun. I know the day will soon be here that the sun will come and stay awhile, and I am certainly looking forward to that. I always say I'm happy to live somewhere that I have four seasons...but I only make that statement in Spring, Summer and Fall.
Love you,
Kristen
Matthew 5; 21-26
21 “You have heard that it was said to the men of old, ‘You shall not kill; and whoever kills shall be liable to judgment.’ 22 But I say to you that every one who is angry with his brother shall be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother shall be liable to the council, and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ shall be liable to the hell of fire. 23 So if you are offering your gift at the altar, and here remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your gift there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come offer your gift. 25 Make friends quickly with your accuser, while you are going with him to court, lest your accuser hand you over to the guard, and you be put in prison; 26 truly, I say to you, you will never get out till you have paid the last penny."
Today I'm really angry that these letters don't go to box 343 in Armour. Sometimes, somehow - even though I know you do get them- it just isn't the same. But then I remember the beautiful weather I had on my birthday - dead in the middle of February, and I realize you're probably closer to me now than you ever were living in Armour. I just wish I could see you.
This weekend was - overwhelming. I had a wonderful, incredible, perfect birthday. Friday night Casey and I had a nice dinner with my good friend Allison and her boyfriend. Even though I woke up the next morning feeling as though I had eaten a Dolphin, it was such a great night. I woke up the morning of my birthday and Casey and I just spent time relaxing. We made an early trip to the gym and I stood in awe of the beautiful weather you sent our way, and in my head I said "Spring will conme" over and over again, becuase I felt like it had. I was overwhelmed with counting my blessings that day and I realized that even on my darkest days I have so much to be thankful for and I am never, ever alone. Casey took me to get a pedicure and to see my friend Ryan and his brother's in the Beatles show I take my parents to every year. But this night they were joined by the UNO Orchestra. I was so proud to introduce Casey to Ryan and Ryan to Casey. The night ended at a little wine tasting place in town where we met up with a close friend who I had lost touch with for far too long. She's a reminder of why God wants us to forgive one another and why he puts us in certain situations to teach us things. The lessons were learned and the wounds have healed. She will always have a place in my heart and I'm so thankful to see her doing well and to call her a friend again.
Sunday was a sad day. Spring had gone back to where ever it had come from and it was just a sad, gloomy day. We got up and went to church, but this time my heart was tugged at a little more than usual. I had just told Casey the night before about how I was sad for the way some things were, but that I felt as though I had done what I could and that it was time for me to let it go, becuase, really, it has nothing to do with me. But seeing people close to you hurt is harder than feeling the hurt yourself. Especially when the person it hurts the most is someone who has helped me become the person I am and is someone that would turn his world upside down just to keep mine turning. I don't know what part I'm suppose to play. But the verse we read in church hit home (Matthew 5; 21-26) and it wasn't long before I was "that girl" crying in church while Casey tried franticly to find the cause of the problem and make it better. So, Sunday ended up being a long day and I keep wondering why I feel like I've said all I can say and something always brings it up. But it does make me thank the Lord for giving me such a great family and one incredible brother that I am lucky enough to call a friend. If it takes everything we have, I will never let anything come between that relationship.
I pray this week goes quickly. Casey is away for work in Salt Lake City until Friday and not only am I lonely but I sure do miss him and he's been gone only 24 hours. It's suppose to snow on Thursday and if that happens it looks like this girl is going to need to re-introduce herself to Mr. Shovel. Casey doesn't think that's a woman's job, and even though I don't agree with that, I certainly can't complain. I'm very very lucky.
Thanks for visiting on my birthday and for bringing the sun. I know the day will soon be here that the sun will come and stay awhile, and I am certainly looking forward to that. I always say I'm happy to live somewhere that I have four seasons...but I only make that statement in Spring, Summer and Fall.
Love you,
Kristen
Matthew 5; 21-26
21 “You have heard that it was said to the men of old, ‘You shall not kill; and whoever kills shall be liable to judgment.’ 22 But I say to you that every one who is angry with his brother shall be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother shall be liable to the council, and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ shall be liable to the hell of fire. 23 So if you are offering your gift at the altar, and here remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your gift there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come offer your gift. 25 Make friends quickly with your accuser, while you are going with him to court, lest your accuser hand you over to the guard, and you be put in prison; 26 truly, I say to you, you will never get out till you have paid the last penny."
Monday, January 31, 2011
Dear Grandma,
It's a snowy, icy morning in Omaha. Work isn't busy (yet), so I thought - what better way to spend the morning than paying bills and writing you a little note. I'd imagine your weather up there doesn't even compare to what we're having, I'm sure it's better than it would be if you were still in Armour. Monday started out rough too, nothing starts out the week like a four car accident on the expressway. This morning driving was a little easier, if you can find a way to dodge the people who lose all concept of driving when any kind of weather condition presents. Casey is doing some of his management training at UNO this week which means he doesn't have to go to work if schools are canceled. A rare shot at a snow day and he missed it - it seems UNO is the only school NOT closed today. If only we could be kids again.
Casey and I had a pretty mellow weekend. We didn't really do much because we were planning on something that never was. For what it's worth, I certainly tried. But the point was made blatantly clear and after what were probably some unneccessary tears I've learned it's not really my problem and I need to stop wasting time worrying about it. It's hard, but when I have so many other wonderful things and people in my life it seems only right to focus on them instead. But Grandma, I tried, I promise I did. I miss you every day, but certain things make me miss you more, and this was definitely one of them. Casey and I talked about you a lot. I sure wish he could have met you, but I do my best to keep you with us as much as I can.
It's a snowy, icy morning in Omaha. Work isn't busy (yet), so I thought - what better way to spend the morning than paying bills and writing you a little note. I'd imagine your weather up there doesn't even compare to what we're having, I'm sure it's better than it would be if you were still in Armour. Monday started out rough too, nothing starts out the week like a four car accident on the expressway. This morning driving was a little easier, if you can find a way to dodge the people who lose all concept of driving when any kind of weather condition presents. Casey is doing some of his management training at UNO this week which means he doesn't have to go to work if schools are canceled. A rare shot at a snow day and he missed it - it seems UNO is the only school NOT closed today. If only we could be kids again.
Casey and I had a pretty mellow weekend. We didn't really do much because we were planning on something that never was. For what it's worth, I certainly tried. But the point was made blatantly clear and after what were probably some unneccessary tears I've learned it's not really my problem and I need to stop wasting time worrying about it. It's hard, but when I have so many other wonderful things and people in my life it seems only right to focus on them instead. But Grandma, I tried, I promise I did. I miss you every day, but certain things make me miss you more, and this was definitely one of them. Casey and I talked about you a lot. I sure wish he could have met you, but I do my best to keep you with us as much as I can.
This week will probably be a busy one, but that's ok. I'm on call for the weekend so I'm already looking forward to the following Monday when it's all over. Jason and his two girls are coming our way the weekend after, so we'll have a lot to look forward to next week. Tonya and I are planning to stop by the hospital and take a peak at Baby Blue. I'm sure he's filling up his room much more than he was over Christmas. I sure do wish they lived closer, but I should appreciate the six hours while we have it, Lord only knows where Casey's new job might take us. Bring it on, whatever it is, we're ready...a little anxiuos and sometimes worried, but ready. Maybe if we're lucky, the railroad will relocate us closer to them.
We were cleaning the other day and found the box of letters you saved for me and the cards I saved from you. I reminisced on the times I talked of in my letters and squinted through your letters and cards. I wish things were still that way. I realize that having a box filled with your handwriting is a greater treasure than anything else. It's something I will cherish forever. I have a blanket that we gave to you that I keep folded in the bottom of that box. Somehow, I hope if I keep it folded tight it will hang onto that tiny little smell just a bit longer.
Eight months from today I'll be standing in a church wearing a dress to change my name. When mom and I met with the flourist a few weeks ago the gal ran down lists of important people for the day, and family. It wasn't until I said it outloud that I realized i will have no living grandparents on my wedding day. Boy, that sure did put a pit in my stomach. I sure do hope you'll all have time to stop in.
There is something else important about today. It's Grandma Weisser's birthday. You probably already know that, I'd imagine she is already hard at work on a 9 course meal. If she made Kuchen, eat some for me...nobody down here made it quite like she did. Please wish her a happy birthday from Casey and I, and make her laugh today. She had the best laugh.
Miss you everyday,
Love,
Kristen
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Good Morning Grandma,
Well, here we are; 2011. The year I'll write something different at the end of my name, the year "mine" will officially become "ours", the year you were certain you'd be here for. And you're not, and even though that's ok, I still wish things were different. You were the only one who thought it was ok that I didn't come home every holiday with a boyfriend until I figured some things out, and who, all in the same thought, was sure I'd be walking down an aisle someday. I was a little bitter over the holidays this year. I don't understand why most people my age have grandparents, sometimes all of them, sometimes even GREAT grandparents. By the time I was a freshman in high school I was hanging on tight to the letters I got from my one and only grandparent, you. Now, not yet 25, I have none. I sure hope those people out there who are complaining because they have four Christmases to go to in one day realize just how lucky they are. I wish I could divide my time between nut pudding and phase 10.
But 2011 is going to be great. I can't control a lot of things. I won't be able to help it if my kidneys make me sick, or if work gets unbearably busy or unbearably slow. Or if stubborn people holding on to grudges can't find a way to come around. But I can make the best of everything. Things don't always fall into place or happen when I want them to, and people don't always treat each other the way God intended them to. But I'm one very lucky girl. I just hope everyone takes a minute to think about what they're lucky for in their life and quit wasting time on things that aren't important. Don't think we haven't noticed, Grandma, some of the changes you're making happen down here. We need a few more nudges in a few more places, but oh what a difference it's made.
I can't wait to see what 2011 has in store and I already know it's going to go fast. I better make it count because once it's over I can't get it back. I'm sure it will be filled with memories of you and days I still don't quite understand why you're up there ... but I sure do wonder what the Papes and Weissers are doing up in heaven.
Love you
Miss you everyday,
Kristen
Well, here we are; 2011. The year I'll write something different at the end of my name, the year "mine" will officially become "ours", the year you were certain you'd be here for. And you're not, and even though that's ok, I still wish things were different. You were the only one who thought it was ok that I didn't come home every holiday with a boyfriend until I figured some things out, and who, all in the same thought, was sure I'd be walking down an aisle someday. I was a little bitter over the holidays this year. I don't understand why most people my age have grandparents, sometimes all of them, sometimes even GREAT grandparents. By the time I was a freshman in high school I was hanging on tight to the letters I got from my one and only grandparent, you. Now, not yet 25, I have none. I sure hope those people out there who are complaining because they have four Christmases to go to in one day realize just how lucky they are. I wish I could divide my time between nut pudding and phase 10.
But 2011 is going to be great. I can't control a lot of things. I won't be able to help it if my kidneys make me sick, or if work gets unbearably busy or unbearably slow. Or if stubborn people holding on to grudges can't find a way to come around. But I can make the best of everything. Things don't always fall into place or happen when I want them to, and people don't always treat each other the way God intended them to. But I'm one very lucky girl. I just hope everyone takes a minute to think about what they're lucky for in their life and quit wasting time on things that aren't important. Don't think we haven't noticed, Grandma, some of the changes you're making happen down here. We need a few more nudges in a few more places, but oh what a difference it's made.
I can't wait to see what 2011 has in store and I already know it's going to go fast. I better make it count because once it's over I can't get it back. I'm sure it will be filled with memories of you and days I still don't quite understand why you're up there ... but I sure do wonder what the Papes and Weissers are doing up in heaven.
Love you
Miss you everyday,
Kristen
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